Happy Endings
by poisonnwine
Summary: Toby explains himself to Spencer about being A. 'He knew that happy endings were just a figment of everyone's imagination. Happy endings weren't real, at least to him they weren't. He would never be happy about any ending with Spencer. He never wanted an end with her, because whatever the ending was, he knew he would never be happy without her.'
1. Chapter 1

**Because I love torturing myself and writing depressing spoby shit, i wrote this...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own PLL!**

"why."

"Mona manipulated me, okay? I was all alone, and she said she could could pull some strings, and get them to drop the charges. She said she would get some one else to take the blame." He explained.

"Me." She said dryly, although it was only one word, it held so many emotions, aching to burst.

"I didn't believe her at first" He continued, not even looking at her. "Then it happened. Some how she got me free of the charges, and I was free."

"Yeah, I remember." She scoffed harshly. After Toby, she was the next person of interest, she never thought anything of it. She never thought of the connections till now.

"Mona didn't say anything to me till a few days later, after I kissed you at that motel." He said hesitantly, and heard Spencer let out a small sigh, a whimper, a groan, he couldn't quite tell. "She came to me, _that night. _She told me her plans, told me what I had to do,"

"And what was that?"

"To spy on you." He gulped. Spencer didn't even flinch, but tears yet again started to well up in her mocha eyes. "At first I was reluctant to do so, I didn't see her as a threat." He continued. "I told her a few of the things you had told me…" He said slowly. "They seemed pretty useless to her though. But, I wouldn't do some of the things she asked. She wanted me to do things, things that would hurt you. But I wouldn't. She left me alone for a few days, I thought It was done with. I already felt horrible enough, that you took my place as the person of interest in Alison's murder. But, then I got a text from Mona…" He said apprehensively. "It was a couple days after the founder's day festival, and I saw you earlier that day. It was the day you were going to meet Ian about the videos…"

Spencer looked at him finally, she knew exactly what day he was talking about. "After we spent the afternoon together, I was planning on doing exactly what you said. Stay home, and see if Jenna was involved, but my plans for the evening changed. Mona texted me saying you were in trouble, and I came as fast as I could. I pushed Ian without thinking it through,"

"That was you." Spencer said her mouth gaping. "You killed-you killed Ian."

"I wasn't thinking. I didn't know what else to do, I don't know_ why _but I listened to Mona, she said she had a plan. I didn't know why she was helping me, but I figured if I listened she would just leave me alone. She knew I would protect you, she knew I would kill some one for you. She used it against me. She told me where you guys where, and she told me to kill Ian, I didn't even think about what I was doing, when I heard you scream. I pushed him off the edge, and then I ran traumatized. I didn't even get to see if you were okay I went back down to Mona, and she said taking his body, was part of the plan. Then we took his body out to that barn, and Mona said she could take it from there. The car ride back, she told me how she now owned me, she had evidence._Pictures mostly._ She said that I could either join her little twisted A team, or she would turn the pictures into the police, along with some story she made up. She would pin both Ian and Alison's murder on me, and I would be finished."

She didn't even know what to say. She didn't even know how to process what he was saying, usually she didn't have a hard time understanding things. Like whenever her teacher had a lecture, she would take notes, and ace the test. But this wasn't the same, this wasn't the same at all. She was still trying to process that Toby was had found out a few days ago, and she had felt numb since. She was out of tears, and just walking around, practically dead. She needed answers, she needed _something. _Although, maybe she wasn't ready for the truth.

"I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to hurt you, that's the thing I wanted least." He sighed. "Spencer," He tried desperately.

She put up a hand, silencing him. For a few minutes, which seemed like a century, they sat in pure silence. Not a peaceful, comfortable, calm silence that they had a few weeks ago, during an afternoon nap, but a cold, harsh, unwelcoming silence. A silence that mocked him, a silence that sneered at him, a silence that made him feel lonier, than he ever had. "Mona tried killing you." She whispered, keeping her mocha eyes off of him.

"Yeah," He said softly. When she didn't respond, he knew she wanted an explanation. "After the whole Ian thing, she forced answers out of me, she forced me to tell her about the things you were saying…"

"Like what." She spat.

"Like Jason, mostly. She wanted him to look guilty." He sighed. "And about Jenna, and the N.A.T club, and stuff like that. About what you would be doing, and what you thought was going on with Ian."

"You tell me that," She said her voice cracking. "Then expect me to believe you cared about me, that you loved me."

"I do love you. I care about you so much, more than any one in this entire world Spencer. Every lie, every day, every time I told Mona something, I just felt worse and worse, and every time we were together, I just fell for you harder, and harder." He said his voice trembling. "It was so hard to lie to you, It was so hard to help her do those awful things to you."

"Then why did you do it?" She screamed, tears rolling down her cheeks finally. "I get it. I get being black mailed, and everything" She sniffled "I get it. But, wasn't what we had worth fighting for?" She asked her voice aching with pain, with despair. He had never, not once, seen her this upset. Even when she found out, she had bawled. But, the tears glistening on her face, her mocha eyes puffed up looking as if she hasn't slept for days, her beautiful smile hidden under her weighing frown, it made him just want to die. Knowing he had caused this.

"I did." He said desperately. "Spencer I did. I tried, okay? So many times, but she always won. Then I finally put my foot down, and she told me that she had ways of changing my mind." He said, aching for her to at least look him in the eyes. "A few days passed, and I thought, 'Maybe, it's over. Maybe she got over it.' But, the next thing I knew my break lines were getting cut, and you broke up with me. Mona had taunted me with that, taunted me with that every single day until I left town, she said maybe you found out, she said maybe you never loved me at all-"

"How does that feel?" Spencer said sniffling. "Thinking the person you love most in the world, never actually loved you." She said indifferently. Toby felt his heart ache, she was obviously referring to her self. Saying she knew the feeling.

"It's the worst feeling in the world." He said feeling a tear run down his eyes, followed by another, and another, the lump in his throat growing bigger and bigger. "Spencer she didn't tell me, she didn't tell me she was the reason behind it. She didn't tell me she's the one who unscrewed the scaffolding building, I had my theories that it was her. I had my theories that it was her all along, and every time you said something, like it wasn't safe, I just had a gut feeling it was her, behind all this. But then Emily told me about Wren and you. I was heart broken, before that, I thought that it was Mona, and I wasn't going to let her ruin us. I wasn't going to let her hurt you. But when Emily told me that, I guess it just made sense. A part of me didn't believe it, but a part of me did. That part of me told me that he was better for you anyways, that at least I didn't have to lie to you anymore. You would be better off with him, and you would get over me. So I left town, not to get away from you, but Mona. After Emily told me that, Mona had came for a visit, saying all these things, about plans, and shit. I had to leave. I had to get out of there. So I left. I couldn't stay, I knew I would try and win you back, I knew I wasn't strong enough to stay away from you, I knew how twisted Mona was, I knew she would make me do things. "

"Why did you come back?" She asked.

"I needed to see you. I realized I couldn't just run, I couldn't just let Mona torture you like that. I had a plan, a plan that Mona would never know about, Mona told me about Dr. Sullivan, about how she drove her out of town because she knew too much, so I was going to find her, she could settle this once and for all. "

"Why couldn't you just do it?"

"I was scared." He admitted. "I didn't have proof it was all Mona, it would be my word, against what ever crazy shit she would pull. She still could pin Ian and Alison's death on me, and like I said before I would be finished." He sighed. "Dr. Sullivan had proof it was Mona, but like me, Dr. Sullivan was scared. I tried convincing her for weeks, and I didn't stop when I got back to Rosewood."

"All Mona had told me when I got back to Rosewood, was that I shouldn't have came back, and that I would pay for what I have done. I didn't know what she was implying, I still don't. I didn't know if she was talking about the plans I made up without her, or me leaving her."

"Then that day, of the masquerade ball, I was so close to getting Dr. Sullivan to come back, but Mona was already one step ahead of me. She knew that I had fallen in love with you, she knew that you disappearing would be worse than me rotting away in a jail cell."

_"You can join the A team or you can disappear" _Spencer recited.

"What?" He asked

"Mona said that… she wanted me to join her being A." Spencer said her words fading with disgust. "She said I had choice, because she admired me. But, I didn't like her choices, so I decided to chose neither. Then I thought it was over, Mona was locked up, Garret was locked up, and you were out side, waiting for me. I thought it was the end. I thought this year would be different, I thought we would be different Toby. I thought I could be honest with you, and I thought we could be together without all these complications. I thought that I was done being hurt, and tortured by a face less black figure who tortured me, and hurt me daily. I thought the pain was done with. But, you? You being behind that black hoodie? That makes everything look like a childish prank. Knowing you would do that to me, hurts more than anything A can ever do to me. "

He felt numb, he couldn't even muster a sentence. He felt like he had fallen into a deep dark pit, with no light. No hope of getting out. No chance at surviving. But he had to. He had to fight, he had to fight for her. He had to fight for her, because what else did he have? What else compared to her? Who else could pull him out of this deep dark pit of despair? "Spencer, I'm so sorry." he exhaled heavily. "Look, I'm so sorry. I love you, I love you so much. I thought it was over too. I thought I was free of all of that, that night too. I thought we could be together, I didn't think there was someone else. Some one who was just controlling Mona. I thought it was over. "

"Who? Who's behind this?"

"I don't know." He said miserably. "Mona doesn't trust me. She won't tell me who it is."

"Why should I believe you?"

"Spencer, look the only reason I got back into this whole mess was to find answers, when I told you I was going to find answers myself, I went to Mona. Somehow I got warped into it again, and she made me do some things."

"Like what." She demanded.

"Make Paige look guilty," He said shaking his head. "She said she had other plans for me though, and I'm guessing it involved her revealing me to you. She wanted this to happen, she wanted you to think that I never actually cared for you-She wanted you to think all these horrible thoughts. She wanted both of us to pay, and she found a way to do that-."

"Well at least she had the decency to tell the truth." Spencer snapped bitterly. "Emily was pissed at us. We were so worried about her! I felt terrible for treating Paige like that!" Spencer raged, taking short breaths. After she calmed her self down, she swallowed hardly. "If Mona would have never have revealed you as A. Would you have just never told me? How long would I go on living in some delusional world, where I actually felt safe with someone, where I thought soul mates were a real thing, and that maybe love isn't just something movies make up? That maybe love was something real, because I was in love with you…. I'm still in love with you." She said her voice breaking into a sob.

Although, he knew he probably shouldn't have, he pulled her into his arms, and surprisingly she let him. She didn't pull away, she didn't push away in disgust, she didn't yell at him to not touch her, she wrapped her arms around him tightly, sobbing into his chest.

He never wanted to let her go, but he knew he would have too, he knew that happy endings were just a figment of everyone's imagination. Happy endings weren't real, at least to him they weren't. He would never be happy about any ending with Spencer. He never wanted an end with her, because whatever the ending it was, he knew he would never be happy without her. He didn't want what they had to ever end. He knew it could never end, _really end_, because he would _always _love Spencer Hastings.

"I'm _so_ sorry." He whispered, shutting his eyes tightly, tears escaping his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Because sometimes the most powerful force in the world, isn't strong its the one that destroys you. Because that person who puts you at your best, can just as easily put you at your worst. That person has access to your heart, and can either protect your heart from all the evils, and darknesses that will try to invade, or can be the invader themselves. The person who you ran to in your darkest hours turned out to be the person blocking out the light. The person whom you trusted with your life turned out to be betraying you worse than any one ever has. That person you once called the most honest person you knew, turned out to be the most deceitful person you know. That person you once knew so well. That person you fell in love with vanishes, and is replaced by someone entirely different. Someone you don't even know, someone who isn't recognizable, but that someone still some how has all the assess to your withering heart. Somehow, that person after all they had done, still is the only person you would ever want to be with. Somehow you still call that person your soul mate, and some how you are still in love with that person. You don't even know that person, but yet your feelings seem to not care. Your head screams 'No', but your heart screams 'Yes.' Your lost in your own maze because every which way, you go, or turn to, you go back to him. You can't escape him. You can't stop your self from loving him, you aren't sure why you love him. What is there left to love? All the honesty disinterested. That safe feeling he gave you disappeared. His sweetness seemed to fade away, and his smile suddenly seemed sinister. And what was left? Some one who had repeatedly hurt you and your dearest friends, someone who had been lying from the start, some one who had been using you to find out the secrets you tried so hard to keep hidden.

But then you look into his eyes, and something inside you breaks. Something inside you sees he's scared too. That he's vulnerable as you and just as terrified at this reality. You see the person you knew, the person who was honest, the person who would never hurt you, the person who would do anything for you, the person whom you gave everything. You see his glistening, stained with tears cheeks, and you realize that maybe he was telling the truth. You realize that his feelings are real too. Between the two of you, you had told each other many lies and kept things from each other countless times. But the feelings, they were real. No matter how many times you lied, how many times you two kept secrets from one another, no matter how many words were false. The feelings, they were real. The feelings were the true. Throughout this whole mess, you both knew how you felt about one another. You didn't have to say 'I love you' to show how you felt. You both just_ knew. _Knew that even though your relationship was built on lies, and secrets, that your feelings were strong. They were powerful.

When the secrets, and lies came tumbling down, when your relationship fell, the feelings you had for one another stayed strong. No matter what happened, your feelings for one another were too strong too break. You love each other, and you will always love eachother. No matter how many lies he fed you, no matter how many times he betrayed you, you would always love him. The things he did didn't make you love him any less, and that scared you.

You had fallen so deeply in love with this boy, that even after his evil schemes you still love him. You still care for him, and would do anything to keep him out of harms way. You love him, you love him more than any one, you love him more than your family, more than your friends, more then any body. You love him in a way that will never fully go away. You'll always love him, even though you have no idea why. He has became part of you, part of your life, and he would forever be with you in your shattered heart. One day, when some one tries gluing your heart back together, he'll still be part of you. Some of those broken pieces, most of those broken pieces will be filled with him. Filled with your love for him, filled with your care for him, filled with everything he has ever done for you; the good and the bad.

He changed you, he made you into who you are today.

You know you'll never fully recover from the pain, and hurt he caused you. You know you'll never stop loving him. You _know _he's your soulmate. You know you'll never love any one as much as you love him. But even after knowing all of that, you know it can't continue. You know your relationship will keep falling, and you will keep trying to rebuild it with the broken pieces, that break more each time your relationship fails.

You know sometimes feelings aren't enough. You know that you can be in love with him, but that doesn't mean you can be with him. You'll always love him, those feelings wont go away. Sometimes you'll miss him, but you'll know that you have to move on. He's your everything, and your his. But everything isn't enough. If the most powerful force in the world; love can't keep you together, than what can?

Sometimes you can love someone, you can be meant to be with someone, but the stars don't always align. You must accept your fate, and keep those feelings of love intact, because you'll never feel that way again. You'll never love any one more than you love him. Even know you know all this, you also know what you have to do. You have to leave him behind, and move on. Leave the misery, and the pain behind, and carry on with the love. The ever lasting love you will always share with him.

"I'll never stop loving you. I'm sorry Toby."


End file.
